PARENTING
Surrey’s Premier Lifestyle Magazine
Being a mindful mother
Starr Meneely, editor-in-chief of The Mother magazine, looks at five ways to improve wellbeing.
I sat down one afternoon to jot down my thoughts on motherhood and mindfulness. It’s a topic that I get quite passionate about and I was excited to write down my musings and theories. I’d been sitting for exactly one moment, had hardly clicked my pen open, when a young voice called from the top of the stairs: “Mummy! Where’s Lottie’s socks?” Oh, those Lottie dolls, and their misbehaving socks! I mumbled totally unhelpfully to: “Look around upstairs” and carried on with my writing.
It was when my son popped over my shoulder to ask where his tennis balls were, and I heard my disconnected suggestion to “ask dad”, that I started to laugh. Was I really writing about mindful mothering whilst batting my children away? I stood up then, took three minutes to locate the misplaced toys, and then sat down to write something a bit more honest.
Why mindfulness?
We’ve all seen the Facebook meme showing parents on their phones, and the child sitting by wishing he could have their attention. I always scroll past this partly because it makes me realise, with a pang of guilt, that I’m on my phone, and also because I think it is a bit unhelpful. Guilt in parenting is unnecessarily destructive. Parenting often leaves us feeling utterly drained and it is easy to slip into cathartic phone scrolling. Guilt does not help this problem.
It was when my son popped over my shoulder to ask where his tennis balls were, and I heard my disconnected suggestion to “ask dad”, that I started to laugh. Was I really writing about mindful mothering whilst batting my children away? I stood up then, took three minutes to locate the misplaced toys, and then sat down to write something a bit more honest.
Why mindfulness?
We’ve all seen the Facebook meme showing parents on their phones, and the child sitting by wishing he could have their attention. I always scroll past this partly because it makes me realise, with a pang of guilt, that I’m on my phone, and also because I think it is a bit unhelpful. Guilt in parenting is unnecessarily destructive. Parenting often leaves us feeling utterly drained and it is easy to slip into cathartic phone scrolling. Guilt does not help this problem.
A much more helpful meme would be “You’re doing a great job – take a minute right now and hug your child.” This is the essence of mindfulness. Taking time – on purpose.
Thich Nhat Hanh says that when we are not mindful, we end up living life as a dream. I don’t know a single parent that wants their parenting journey to be like a dream. Even when we are tired and distracted, we crave sensational connection with our children. Here are five ways to practice bringing mindfulness into our mothering. Even when the days and nights are long, and we seem to be counting the days one meal at a time, we need the joy that comes from fully engaging with our children and living life with full awareness.
1 Pause. This is simple and yet so essential. There is always time to pause, for ten seconds or ten minutes. Pause and notice what is happening around you. Don’t analyse or question. Just pause and take notice.
2 Scan your senses. I love this method. It is extremely effective. Pause and do a gentle scan of all five of your senses. What do you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell? It
can be something as simple as hearing the sounds of your child playing or feeling your clothes against your skin.
4 Listen to your child. This is sometimes easier said than done, as I confessed above! However, taking a minute to really listen to your child is one of the most wonderful ways to be mindful. When you are listening, notice the pitch of their voice, the colour of their eyes. Notice how they move their hands as they speak.
3 Breathe. I used to think this was a cliche instruction – breathe? Really? I never stopped breathing! But as I began to practice yoga and meditation, I realised that mindful breathing is wonderfully healing and helpful. Take a moment to breathe gently and naturally. Notice how your body feels as you breathe. Do you need to yawn? Go ahead and take a deep, refreshing breath. Take notice of the way your body responds; imagine that your breath bathes your body in a healing light. Try to pre-empt stressful moments by breathing mindfully first.
4 Smile. The average child laughs between 300-500 times a day, while an adult only laughs on average 15 times a day. I find this a sad statistic! Simply taking a purposeful moment to smile is a beautiful way to practice mindfulness. Smile at your children. Look around for something that will help you smile, a beautiful picture or something humorous. Smiling is wonderful; it can transform an entire day.
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Websites: www.themothermagazine.co.uk and www.surreymummy.comOther resources, free from The Mother magazine: A meditation, motherhood affirmations and mindfulness activities. Visit “The Calm Mother” here.